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 My first love story

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how did u like the ending
very sad ending but good
25%
 25% [ 1 ]
ok ending
75%
 75% [ 3 ]
bad ending
0%
 0% [ 0 ]
it didn't end as i hope it did and i was sad
0%
 0% [ 0 ]
Total Votes : 4
 

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darkshot2
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PostSubject: My first love story   Tue Feb 08, 2011 1:08 am

(note no comments just vote please thank you)
edit by Demon Angel-your welcome -_-
poll also edit by Riku

"We got to keep going the town needs help lets go" yelled a man as I ran by him with my sword in my hand I jumped over the dead on the ground when i got close I fell in to a trap then------------RING!!!............RING!!! "huh? whoa" hits the ground falling out of bed "great another war dream" gets up and hits the alarm "Damien GET OUT OF BED YOUR GOING TO BE LATE!!!!!!!!!"
"OK MOM!" Damien gets ready but as he is about to walk out of his room he see's his best friend Suki getting ready also (Damien and Suki have been friends from when Suki moved in which was 13 years ago) "DAMIEN"
"Coming mom!" Damien grabs his bag and keys then slides down the stairs to the front door where his mom was waiting "hurry up your going to miss the bus"
"Mom don't worry"
"Sigh what else can a mother do" she walks away in to another room.
Damien runs out the door to beat Suki to the bus stop and there he was waiting for the bus when Suki walks up to him and joins him

Page 1

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Last edited by darkshot2 on Wed Mar 09, 2011 12:37 am; edited 3 times in total
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PostSubject: Re: My first love story   Wed Feb 09, 2011 12:17 am

hey everyone he is the 2nd page finished it in class today Razz

Suki walks up to the bus stop and hugs then kisses Damien in the cheek. "hey Damien how are you?" said Suki
"Hey Suki I'm fine how are you?" said Damien
"I'm great getting ready to help set the prom its going to be in the gym" said Suki
"rell-" Damien was cut off by someone walking up next to him
"Hey loser why are you talking to a hot girl like Suki?" said the person as he pushed Damien to the ground and walks over to Suki hugging her.
Suki pushed the boy off her "Chad why are you a jerk to him!" said Suki as she helped Damien to his feet.
"Thanks Suki" said Damien
Chad gives Damien a pissed off look as the bus pulls up beside them.
"Come on the bus is here" said Suki as she got on
"Listen loser" said Chad as he pulled Damien back
"Stay away from Suki or me and you are going to have problems" said Chad as he got on the bus and Damien getting on behind him. Suki was holding a seat for Damien but Chad took it away from him and Suki got mad looking outside through the window.
Damien sat alone at the back of the bus looking outside through the window on the way to school.

Page 2

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PostSubject: Re: My first love story   Mon Feb 14, 2011 1:10 am

hey everyone sorry im alittle late but the wait for the new page or pages was well waited for Very Happy

They get to the school and Chad trips Damien on the way off the bus and everyone laughs at him besides Suki she trys to walk over to help him but her friends drag her off to class leaving Damien alone. He picks him self up and walks off inside the school to class. After class he saw Suki down the hall but instead of walking over to her he waited for a dew minutes and saw a group of boys go up to her and they all walk away. The bell rang and it was time for PE and as it was the first day of school the head of the student gov. had something to tell the 12th graders in PE. Damien walks in the door and bums in to Suki and she drops her pages because they almost kissed. Damien turns red and steps back as Suki drops her head as she blushed also. "Um sorry Suki I didn't see you coming around the hall there" said Damien still blushing alittle he also got down to pick up Suki's papers.
"Its ok Damien you didn't mean to" said Suki calming down.
"Here you go" said Damien handing Suki her papers calming down smiling at Suki.
"Come on lets go sit and see whats new in PE" said Suki.
They go sit down in the gym together for the first time.

page 3

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PostSubject: Re: My first love story   Mon Feb 14, 2011 1:56 am

heres y the wait was good because i got 2 pages done in one week Very Happy

"Thank you everyone for showing up to this meeting I'm here to tell you that we have a new class in this school to help the war that is going on" said The Head Of Student Gov.
Damien and Suki looked at each other wondering about the class as the person went on. "So to help the war that's going on we have brought in a Drill Sergeant to train people who want to join" said The Head Of Student Gov.
Damien was going to put his hand up to say he will join the class but Suki put his hand down and didn't let go of his hand. "Those who want to join need to look like him just alittle more well fit" said The Head Of Student Gov. pointing at Damien.
"You sir please stand up and come down here." said The Head Of Student Gov.
Damien looked at Suki and then stand up "NO!!!!" said Suki holding Damien hand tight.
Damien ribs his hand free and walks down to the front of the classes.
Damien stands in front of the classes and looks at The Head Of Student Gov.
(now i will tell u what the characters so far look like. Damien hads a round head, sharp eyes, pointed ears,
normal nose, small lips, dark black hair, and glasses. He always wears a black long sleeve shirt, tight black jeans, and black boots. He is tan and 5`9)
Suki started to become worry that Damien was going to join and Suki didn't want to lose Damien so she got up and walk down also (Suki was a pretty cute girl with normal eyes, small nose, middle size lips, round size ears, and long brown hair. She wears a blue shirt that had's a picture of a puppy dog face and blue jeans that were ripped alittle with blue shoes on. She was a little lighter then Damien and skinner then him and she is 5`10)
Chad came in the class late (Chad was a big boy alittle stronger then Damien Chad was white tall about 5`11 he wears a red jacket with a Grey shirt under it with navy jeans and white shoes he had a big mouth, small ears, flat eyes and a big nose.)
"You sir come here you will be put to use for coming late and you young lady go back to your seat why did you come down here?" asked The Head Of Student Gov.
Suki went back to her seat and the Drill Sergeant gave Damien and Chad a sword and stepped back "Lets see what you shit holes can do" said the Drill Sergeant.
Damien looked at Chad and Cgad gave him a evil smile and got ready to attack Damien.

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PostSubject: Re: My first love story   Tue Feb 15, 2011 1:04 am

hey everyone page 5 is ready for showing and i think this one really came out great

"Haaaa take this!" said Chad as he swings the sword at Damien. Damien jumped back and swings his sword back at Chad as Chad also attacks and there sword crashed and sparks flew out the middle of the two swords.
"Give up loser I'm stronger then you you can't win" said Chad as he punched Damien in the face.
Damien stepped back alittle stun as Chad followed up with a slash to his arm cutting Damien alittle.
Suki couldn't help but watch as Damiens arm was bleeding alot from the wound that Chad gave him. Damien didn't pay mind at the wound and brought his sword up at Chad, Chad blocked it and was alittle stun from the swords hitting Damien dropped his sword and ran behind Chad then used his own sword to held Chad down in a killing spot. Everyone was in shock on how fast the loser turn the battle on a cool person. Suki got up and cheered for Damien then a few other people started not to long everyone cheered. The Drill Sergeant walked up to Damien and tapped him "stand down" said The Drill Sergeant.
Damien stepped away then Chad turn to punch him but the Drill Sergeant stopped him "stand down no need for all that you already lost" said The Drill Sergeant. (next page coming up in a few)

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PostSubject: Re: My first love story   Tue Feb 15, 2011 8:47 am

(part 2 of the last post)

"Someone take this boy to the nurse to close his wound" said The Drill Sergeant.
"I will do it!" said Suki as she ran down and grabs Damien's hand and ran out.
Everyone was lost in the gym on what just happen with Suki and Damien but didn't care to much. Suki was holding Damiens hand the whole way to the nurses office. When they got there the nursed treated the wound and left the room. "how do you feel?" asked Suki getting close to Damien.
Damien was looking down noticing Suki "I'm fine don't worry the blood will stop soon" said Damien.
"Oh I was so worried about you" said Suki getting even more closer to Damien.
"you were?!" said Damiening looking up in shock.
As he looked up at Suki she kissed him in the lips leaving Damien even in more shock "what was that for?" asked Damien blushing.
Suki smiled and didn't say anything and they made out in the nurses office.

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PostSubject: Re: My first love story   Fri Feb 18, 2011 7:30 pm

o man im so late o well heres 6

The next morning Damien was at the bus stop when Suki joined him and they both looked at each other and blushed. A few minutes later chad joins them and the moment changed as chad looked at Damien pissed off but before he said a word the bus pulled up and just like the other day Damien sat at the back alone again but he knew Suki was thinking of him.
The day went on normal when lunch came things got bad real fast Damien was walking to the table he always sit at then chad came and threw Damiens try in his face.
"Didn't i tell you to stay away from Suki" said Chad mad.
Damien stepped back and took the tray off his face and was pissed off.
"Look Chad leave me the hell alone I can hang out with my friend if I want to and you are no one stop me from doing that!" said Damien in rage then pushed Chad out of his way and went to PE to work on his swordsman skills for the war.
After what happen in the cafe with Chad Damien started to hang around Suki more and day after day Chad started to get pissed off at Damien when the last few days of school came and Chad started to go insane.

page 6

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PostSubject: Re: My first love story   Thu Mar 03, 2011 9:06 am

sorry for the wait i been busy and sometimes just lazy Razz

It was the last week of school Damien was now known by everyone in the school and was now going out with Suki. As for Chad everyone looked down on him for being an asshole to everyone looked down on him for being an asshole to everyone he ever met but everyone sees that he is going crazy so they felt bad for him alittle but they let him be.
The bell rang and it was time for lunch Damien was getting food for him and his baby Suki he walked to there table and waited for her. After a few minutes later one of Suki friends came and takes Damien to the back of the gym she said Chad took Suki Damien ran to the back to find Suki and Chad making out. Chad opened his eyes to look at Damien then he got slapped by Suki and Damien Ran out in shock and heartbroken Suki ran after Damien but didn't catch him. Suki was sad about what had happen and picked up Damien things and left with his things. For the past two days Damien was unheard of and missing Suki was looking for him because she had big news to tell him when she found him he tryed to walk away but what Suki said stopped him and left him in shock at where he stand.

page 7

almost near the end next page will have something big and alot of things will happen leading up to the ending between Suki and Damien stay tune for the next few days

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PostSubject: Re: My first love story   Fri Mar 04, 2011 9:10 am

back to where we left off the answer to ur questions will be answered now

Damien was shock at what he heard from Suki as he slowly turned around to look at her. "What did you say?!" asked Damien shocked out of his mind and also alittle scared.
Suki walked up to him and grabs his hands and says "I said...................I'm Pregnant" said Suki in a low voice to Damien smiling. Damien looked at Suki in joy but then his joy became sadness because he remember what is going to happen on the last day of school which is tomorrow. Suki looked at him lost but then Suki told Damien how Chad forced Suki to make out with her to get Damien mad and that she never wanted him to think wrong about it and that she loves Damien with all her heart. The bell rang and it was end of the day Damien was going to go to his sword training but then took Suki hand and runs out the school with her to spend sometime with her before everything goes crazy.
Chad followed them watching Damien closely waiting for him to leave Suki alone so he can talk to her and tell her what Damien isn't telling her but the whole time they where together so chad could not tell her anything.

Page 8

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PostSubject: Re: My first love story   Sat Mar 05, 2011 11:14 pm

well more twist and turns to come haha

This was it the last day of school came and Damien was a little worried about what is going to happen at the end of the day with him, Chad, and The Drill Sergeant.
Suki came up to Damien smiling and kisses him on the lips.
"How is my future husband?" asked Suki laughing.
"I'm fine but I'm worried about you" said Damien.
"Why are you worried about me" asked Suki.
Damien looked down before answering "I'm being..........................sent to fight in the front lines" said Damien.
Suki became very sad and stepped back bumming in to chad.
"So you told her but you left something out the part that if you don't kill me in training you will not live to see your child." said Chad laughing walking away.
Damien looked at Suki then started to tear alittle. "I'm sorry Suki I know you maybe hate me right now but I did this because back then I didn't know you would be with me and let alone have a baby with me." said Damien as he clean his face off and stops crying looking at Suki.
Suki didn't say a word but something in her and about her hads changed

page 9

there it is what could have changed u may be asking find out next time later Very Happy

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PostSubject: Re: My first love story   Wed Mar 09, 2011 12:20 am

well this is it everyone took up 3 and half pages to finish in my notebook so i hope u like it well i don't think u will like the ending lol here it is

Suki had change Damien didn't know what about her changed but she pointed to the nurses office and Damien took her to the office and the nurse looked at Suki wondering whats wrong. Suki made signs that she can't talk. The nurse check her voice box and said that Suki lost her voice from alot of shocking information. Damien got sad and nodded then the bell rang and the time came for Damien to fight. Damien took Suki and they went to the gym where Chad was waiting with a evil smile on his face.
"Hey Damien I hope your ready to die in front of your love one" said Chad laughing.
"Don't worry Suki I will be fine" said Damien with a caring smile and walked over to Chad.
"No holding back you loser" said Chad
"Try to block this time and don't get killed so easy" said Damien grabbing his sword and stands ready.
"Tch don't under talk me like if i was a child" said Chad pissed off swing his sword.
Damien ducked and spin kicked him to the ground then grabbed his sword and spins it around then puts it to Chads neck.
"I would kill you now but whats the fun in that." said Damien
Damien stepped back and Chad got up dusting him self off then jumped in the air and slams his sword in to Damien's.
Damien pushed back as Chad lands on his feet and trys to trip Damien.
Damien falls to the ground but rolls out of the way before he gets hit with Chads sword falling down on him.
Damien gets up and kicks Chads sword out the way and spins in the air and puts his sword blade to Chad's neck. The room goes silent as Chad drops to his knees.
"Do it! Kill him now remember this is war no holding back" yelled The Drill Sergeant.
Damien looked at Chad.
"Burn in hel-" Chad didn't finish his line as Damien cut chads head off.
"It is done sir" said Damien
Just as The Drill Sergeant was going to talk a alarm rang and someone started to talk over it.
"RUN RUN The enemy had's broken past are lines and are in the town. Everyone head to the shelters befor-" The guy was killed everyone
"Everyone your time hads come" said an enemy.
The kids in the gym started to yell in fear.
Suki was scared and ran to Damien a few minutes later the gym doors were broken and swordman/bowman rushed in and started to kill everyone.
Suki ran away as Damien gave her time to run but there was to many of them for Damien to stop.
Damien fell back to catch up to Suki and as Suki was running she tripped and saw a swordman coming but just as he swings his sword he falls dead to Damiens sword.
"Go Suki" said Damien protecting her.
Damien turn around and was hit by ten arrows to the chest then Suki looked up at Damien in shock and sorrow and she trys to grabs his hand but before she grabs his hand a swordsman cut Damiens head off and his blood lands all over Suki as a student picks her up and drags her away and Suki gets her voice back and yells,
"DAMIEN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" as his body falls to the ground.


A few mouths later

A baby is crying in the background
"Its a boy" said a doctor
A few days later then Suki drop her son of in a stone house to live the rest of his life and a week later Suki was found dead in her house she had hanged her self with a paper in her hand saying.
"I will find you in the heavens Damien and forever i will love you Damien and may are son live a happy life with us watching over him." -Suki.

The End

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PostSubject: Re: My first love story   Wed Mar 09, 2011 12:28 am

well everyone now that im done writing this topic is now open to feedback and all that other stuff and if anyone here is scared that they will get banned like riku thinks for a back feedback don't worry im not going to ban no one i never even ban anyone before not counting that night we got spam so no worrys i want all feedback everyone can give so have fun

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PostSubject: Re: My first love story   Thu Mar 10, 2011 12:22 am

it's a great story,kind of misunderstanding with many things from leading the plot to more other things misunderstood but the story seems fine i assume...i kind of disliked the end it was bad and kind of seen it coming but then at the same time it was good and tragic for a hyper moment.
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PostSubject: Re: My first love story   Thu Mar 10, 2011 11:00 am

i think i know what u mean by misleading but my reason for misleading the story is because after thinking it over i notice it would have been boring so i changed a few things to make the story more better i hope that answer your question

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PostSubject: Re: My first love story   Thu Mar 10, 2011 11:30 pm

awesome story pretty weird threw out the thing cause everything happens so quickly i mean there was no time to plan i bet you did this right off your head...
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PostSubject: Re: My first love story   Fri Mar 11, 2011 12:11 am

no not really my friend took me i think 1 mouth or maybe 1 mouth and a few weeks but i know that it was 1 mouth or more believe it or not i read the first page in afterschool and they loved it they said they saw everything happening in page one so i was happy

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PostSubject: Re: My first love story   Fri Mar 18, 2011 9:07 am

i know i may be a new guy around here and heck my word may not mean anything but could i possibly just say this,you should make it longer,give more details,get into the background of most characters,much more descriptive information and so on;if your possibly making this into a book which i am guessing you are probably going to do considering its pretty good with a decent amount of views i doubt 4 votes were made out of all the people that have seen this so i am assuming the ballet was changed a lot from time to time.
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PostSubject: Re: My first love story   Fri Mar 18, 2011 10:39 am

hey man welcome to the site and thanks for the feed back but i have a teacher in my school that will help me but i am going to publish it to a short story website i just need to talk to him today

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